Please email if you would like my new address.. I'm still around.. but have become somebody else.. kind of like if I was a character in a spy film.. y'know?
thelovequote (at) hotmail.com
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Friday, November 28, 2008
almost time..
I have been restless here for a while.
Bunny has inspired me.. I am going to head off to somewhere else.
This place was originally a place for love story quotes - but the name has not suited the content for a long time..
I am becoming something else - this place will be archived and locked up.
Please email me if you are interested in where I go next and I'll send you the link.
thelovequote(at)hotmail.com
Bunny has inspired me.. I am going to head off to somewhere else.
This place was originally a place for love story quotes - but the name has not suited the content for a long time..
I am becoming something else - this place will be archived and locked up.
Please email me if you are interested in where I go next and I'll send you the link.
thelovequote(at)hotmail.com
Thursday, November 27, 2008
life.. an update..
I have replaced looking at poor little pups on death row with looking at real estate.
I want so much to have.. something!
This is how I am spending my mornings instead of getting to work early.. I am propped up in bed poring over the real estate pages and wishing I was of retirement age so I could live in a tiny little town in the middle of nowhere and not worry about where I am going to work to earn the money to pay for the mortgage.. (I know this logic is flawed - but it's just how my little romantic brain works)
Each house I look at I check the pics of the back yard and imagine Taz leaping about. Which I think is funny. He is my significant other after all..
Work is taking a strange turn.. the detail is too detailed.. suffice to say it IS strange.. and it looks like I will be there for a year more.. and then maybe move on. I wish I could say all the strangeness - but it's too strange - and maybe this is not the right place to talk about it - though I can't talk anywhere else about it either just yet..
In some strange twist - BOTH my workplaces have decided to move office before Christmas. It's going to be strange and exhausting.
I haven't seen The Hot Italian for almost 5 weeks. He calls me from time to time - but he's been away or I have had the flu and we haven't got it together in all that time. He called last night and I asked him out to see some music tonight. He promises he'll come. We'll see..
I spoke with my sister last night. She asked what my plans were for Christmas. I was under the idea that we were all feuding and that Christmas would be spent apart.
I am not talking to my mother, my mother is not talking to my oldest sister and my middle sister and brother are FURIOUS with each other and may never recover.. None of us are talking to my mother's new boyfriend. This is probably the worst shape we have ever been in as a family.. but apparently we are all going to be together for Christmas. God help us all.
I want so much to have.. something!
This is how I am spending my mornings instead of getting to work early.. I am propped up in bed poring over the real estate pages and wishing I was of retirement age so I could live in a tiny little town in the middle of nowhere and not worry about where I am going to work to earn the money to pay for the mortgage.. (I know this logic is flawed - but it's just how my little romantic brain works)
Each house I look at I check the pics of the back yard and imagine Taz leaping about. Which I think is funny. He is my significant other after all..
Work is taking a strange turn.. the detail is too detailed.. suffice to say it IS strange.. and it looks like I will be there for a year more.. and then maybe move on. I wish I could say all the strangeness - but it's too strange - and maybe this is not the right place to talk about it - though I can't talk anywhere else about it either just yet..
In some strange twist - BOTH my workplaces have decided to move office before Christmas. It's going to be strange and exhausting.
I haven't seen The Hot Italian for almost 5 weeks. He calls me from time to time - but he's been away or I have had the flu and we haven't got it together in all that time. He called last night and I asked him out to see some music tonight. He promises he'll come. We'll see..
I spoke with my sister last night. She asked what my plans were for Christmas. I was under the idea that we were all feuding and that Christmas would be spent apart.
I am not talking to my mother, my mother is not talking to my oldest sister and my middle sister and brother are FURIOUS with each other and may never recover.. None of us are talking to my mother's new boyfriend. This is probably the worst shape we have ever been in as a family.. but apparently we are all going to be together for Christmas. God help us all.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
tonight..
A stressful day at work.. I call T and ask if he is about for a catch up at the pub.
He meets me within the hour.
We drink and he tells me about his latest employment potential..
I tell him I am going to get a nose-ring. Within a week. I swear I am. I am terrified that I am turning into an old biddy.. The reason? I have been bleeding for seven days. Day five was a torrent.. but it is easing off now. Still. It's confronting! What if this is it!?
(of course I don't tell HIM about the period)
He asks if I am going to get a unicorn tattoo as well?
No! No.. realisation and something resonates in my mind.. jingles..
He tells me when we knew each other eighteen years ago I told him about a unicorn tattoo I planned to get, to mask the little scar on my arse.
He remembers the scar. I remember now my intention to get a unicorn on my butt.
It's weird having someone know this shit about me.
Good god. Imagine if I had a unicorn on my butt right now?
At least with the nose ring I can take it out when I am over it..
He meets me within the hour.
We drink and he tells me about his latest employment potential..
I tell him I am going to get a nose-ring. Within a week. I swear I am. I am terrified that I am turning into an old biddy.. The reason? I have been bleeding for seven days. Day five was a torrent.. but it is easing off now. Still. It's confronting! What if this is it!?
(of course I don't tell HIM about the period)
He asks if I am going to get a unicorn tattoo as well?
No! No.. realisation and something resonates in my mind.. jingles..
He tells me when we knew each other eighteen years ago I told him about a unicorn tattoo I planned to get, to mask the little scar on my arse.
He remembers the scar. I remember now my intention to get a unicorn on my butt.
It's weird having someone know this shit about me.
Good god. Imagine if I had a unicorn on my butt right now?
At least with the nose ring I can take it out when I am over it..
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
it's the truth..
My life is good and groovie right now. In the outside world I am kicking goals with both feet.. I have TWO jobs that make me go awwwwwww.. Like seriously. How much job satisfaction can one gal have..?
I met Neil Armfield yesterday and casually talked to him about casting Taz in his latest gig. He told me that he is about to do an Opera in the States that requires the casting of a little dog..
Must get a passport for Taz.. and teach him how to sit on command.
I am gradually getting used to my new house..
I am reconnecting with old friends all over the place, exhibitions, theatre.. My diary for December is filling with parties, barefoot bowling, theatre openings (including this one).. invitations to go to award ceremonies..
But each time I write here, I sound like I am on the brink of the greatest sadness ever known.
Which makes me scared. Is this inner me pouring out on the screen the real me?
I met Neil Armfield yesterday and casually talked to him about casting Taz in his latest gig. He told me that he is about to do an Opera in the States that requires the casting of a little dog..
Must get a passport for Taz.. and teach him how to sit on command.
I am gradually getting used to my new house..
I am reconnecting with old friends all over the place, exhibitions, theatre.. My diary for December is filling with parties, barefoot bowling, theatre openings (including this one).. invitations to go to award ceremonies..
But each time I write here, I sound like I am on the brink of the greatest sadness ever known.
Which makes me scared. Is this inner me pouring out on the screen the real me?
Monday, November 24, 2008
letters to lovers past..
kate did this beautifully.. and i really really really felt compelled to do it too..
Dear Joey
My first kiss on the little bus (not the big bus, the little bus did our route). You asked the bus driver if we could swap seats so as to sit together. I was twelve and you were fourteen and you had fallen hard in love with me without me doing anything other than let you look at my eraser collection.
The day you kissed me - you rode the bus all the way around to my stop until there was nobody left but us and the driver.
I didn't ever see you again. But I google your name from time to time.. I haven't found you yet.
Dear Derek..
My unrequited crush from High School Once your best friend rang my house and asked me to go and see E.T. at the cinema with on a double date with my friend Debbie. When I floated back into the dining room and told my parents I was going on a date my mother said NO WAY.. and she took me to see ET.. I could see you sitting up the back.. mum and I sat at the front.
Dear Jason
If only our timing was better.
Dear Lobster
If only our timing was better. You were the man I should have married.. but I was 16 and I had plans for University. You were ready to settle down.. travel the country with me and your four wheel drive. I regret meeting you so young.. I loved you so much. But. I didn't know what to do.
I want to apologise for leaving you after two years with no explanation. I want to thank you for coming to my family's rescue when my father was dying. You quit your job in the W.A. mines (where you went to get me out of your system 3 months beforehand) to live in our lounge-room to help with dad and you drove me to pick up the nurse the morning that he died. I think I truly would have fallen apart without you.
Funny man, lateral thinking funny man.
Dear Paul
I don't know if I ever really loved you - even after being with you (off and on) for three years. I asked you out because someone dared me. I love that story.. how I asked you out and then went back to your shop to tell you you had to pick ME up because I didn't know how to drive..
Some sad stuff happened around you and I. I am thankful we had each other.
I am sorry that I didn't come home the weekend of my 21st.
I am sorry you slept on the couch two nights waiting for me. I freaked out. I knew you were serious and I didn't want you to ask me to marry you so I kissed someone else that weekend away at Uni and I couldn't come home to you.
You really were the best lover I have had. I'll never forget the phone conversation that lasted five hours (even though you were 5 minutes drive from my house), I'll never forget the games, the costumes and the note my cat delivered to you to come and rescue me from the bath..
Dear Alex
I didn't love you and I wish I had. You were textbook gorgeous and the first one to make me orgasm! I was your first lover. Two years of loveliness.. but no love.
Dear Doug
Your hipbones hurt me when we had sex!! Your long curly hair smelled like chip fat!! Your penis was HUGE. I loved sleeping in your boho artist studio, making love to Mazzy Star and waking up to the horses clip clopping up the laneway on the way to do trackwork at the racetrack. You said bonk once too often and I walked out on you in the restaurant I had met you at a year earlier. The first time you saw me I heard you say, quietly.. Beautiful..
Thank you for thinking I was beautiful..
Dear Stephen
Your strange obsessive behaviour was at first kind of flattering. But you ran hot and cold when it came to me. You were the first man to truly dent my confidence and I haven't ever fully found it since. You made me feel less attractive than a six pack of beer.. breaking up with you was devastating.. you were the first man who had ever made the decision to break up with me. I always ALWAYS was the one to break things off.. but you beat me to it.
I wonder if you are still an alcoholic?
Dear Ari
Fucking liar. Our first date we went to see a Woody Allen film that had a few subtitled scenes.. and you whispered in my ear that you were dislexic.. Fucking LIAR. You put on a fake David Beckham-esque accent when we first met that strangely faded over a few weeks. FUCKING LIAR. You told me our birthday was the same, that you had been married to a Russian girl, that you kept missing our dates because of soccer practise..
In reality you weren't a paid soccer genius (although you were pretty amazing from the neck down).. you were a drug dealer with a speed habit.. fuckwit.
When I told you to fuck off out of my life.. you stood out the front of my house playing some Ricky Martin song on a portable stereo to try and win me back..
The way you used to watch your penis go soft after sex while posing in the mirror made me gag..
I truly only endured it because you were so hot - dumb but hot.
Dear Ahmed
My brief time with you was getting close to the worst of my life.
You were a cunt. I should have known you were bad news when you told me that Celine Dione songs helped you learn English. You were the reason I couldn't become an ESL teacher. Being alone in a classroom with Middle Eastern men terrified me and I couldn't finish my course.
I wish I could remember who I was before I met you. I hope you never did to another woman what you did to me.
Dear Rob
Another addict prick bastard. YOU were the end for me. YOU were a mindfuck. I actually class you as more evil than the prick who preceded you. I would be quite happy if you fell off some Indonesian mountain and impaled yourself on some spiky rock and your life bled out slowly and painfully..
Dear Sam
We had some strange attraction going on didn't we? You made moving to Melbourne so much easier for me. I really dug what we had going for a while.. It started to get a little weird at the end.. you know.. when after three years of bizarelly good foreplay we actually started having sex and it was really really really bad.. You were the first man I wrote about here - after the first time we had sex - remember? You said just at the end of our first weird impromptu sex.. "Now you have me worried about my long service leave.."
I tell you.. that was a moment..
Dear Monaro Man
When you invite a girl over you have been trying to impress.. please.. please.. wash your sheets.
Dear Doctor
I wish I still knew you. I have flashbacks of you.. your taste.. and the feel of you.. the first kiss in a dim lit room.. the statistics.. the inherent deliberate sadness around you.. The disjointed closeness.. Making love to Tuvan Throat Singing once and being disappointed to make love to Emmylou Harris the next time..
I. Miss. You. I miss it. I just miss IT.
Dear Fuse
You are a hard one to write to. (Because now I have started crying)
I am sorry. I am so sorry. I wasn't able to appreciate the goodness of you and share myself with you fully.
You disappointed me. I wanted you to be hard to tether. I wanted you to go and explore and build a life for yourself that didn't have me at the centre. Just to have you travel all this way to be with me wasn't enough (apparently) - and I feel like I punished you for it. I didn't want you to nest with me - I wanted you to have adventures without me - so that at the end of the day we could come together and share our adventure stories. I felt like I had all the adventures - and that you just waited for me to bring them to you.
Remember when you went away to Sydney and to the NT and I couldn't wait for you to come back?! I was so desperate to hear your adventures. Remember hauling half the bed out into the loungeroom and making love all day when you came back from Kakadu..? That's what I wanted to feel all the time..
I kept waiting for it to happen again. I was telling you the truth when I said I hadn't made up my mind about whether it could work for us or not.. until.. you made up my mind for me. A week before Christmas. I didn't ever recover that expectant on the brink maybe it's going to happen love for you.
I wish I had. Life would have been less lonely for us both if it had worked out. It just didn't.
I am so so so sorry.
It's a strange intimacy we have now. Blogging is sometimes too close.
But sometimes I cuddle the dog (when he tricks me into letting him on the bed).. I cuddle the dog on your side of the bed.. and once I even bopped his little bottom and smiled.
Dear Joey
My first kiss on the little bus (not the big bus, the little bus did our route). You asked the bus driver if we could swap seats so as to sit together. I was twelve and you were fourteen and you had fallen hard in love with me without me doing anything other than let you look at my eraser collection.
The day you kissed me - you rode the bus all the way around to my stop until there was nobody left but us and the driver.
I didn't ever see you again. But I google your name from time to time.. I haven't found you yet.
Dear Derek..
My unrequited crush from High School Once your best friend rang my house and asked me to go and see E.T. at the cinema with on a double date with my friend Debbie. When I floated back into the dining room and told my parents I was going on a date my mother said NO WAY.. and she took me to see ET.. I could see you sitting up the back.. mum and I sat at the front.
Dear Jason
If only our timing was better.
Dear Lobster
If only our timing was better. You were the man I should have married.. but I was 16 and I had plans for University. You were ready to settle down.. travel the country with me and your four wheel drive. I regret meeting you so young.. I loved you so much. But. I didn't know what to do.
I want to apologise for leaving you after two years with no explanation. I want to thank you for coming to my family's rescue when my father was dying. You quit your job in the W.A. mines (where you went to get me out of your system 3 months beforehand) to live in our lounge-room to help with dad and you drove me to pick up the nurse the morning that he died. I think I truly would have fallen apart without you.
Funny man, lateral thinking funny man.
Dear Paul
I don't know if I ever really loved you - even after being with you (off and on) for three years. I asked you out because someone dared me. I love that story.. how I asked you out and then went back to your shop to tell you you had to pick ME up because I didn't know how to drive..
Some sad stuff happened around you and I. I am thankful we had each other.
I am sorry that I didn't come home the weekend of my 21st.
I am sorry you slept on the couch two nights waiting for me. I freaked out. I knew you were serious and I didn't want you to ask me to marry you so I kissed someone else that weekend away at Uni and I couldn't come home to you.
You really were the best lover I have had. I'll never forget the phone conversation that lasted five hours (even though you were 5 minutes drive from my house), I'll never forget the games, the costumes and the note my cat delivered to you to come and rescue me from the bath..
Dear Alex
I didn't love you and I wish I had. You were textbook gorgeous and the first one to make me orgasm! I was your first lover. Two years of loveliness.. but no love.
Dear Doug
Your hipbones hurt me when we had sex!! Your long curly hair smelled like chip fat!! Your penis was HUGE. I loved sleeping in your boho artist studio, making love to Mazzy Star and waking up to the horses clip clopping up the laneway on the way to do trackwork at the racetrack. You said bonk once too often and I walked out on you in the restaurant I had met you at a year earlier. The first time you saw me I heard you say, quietly.. Beautiful..
Thank you for thinking I was beautiful..
Dear Stephen
Your strange obsessive behaviour was at first kind of flattering. But you ran hot and cold when it came to me. You were the first man to truly dent my confidence and I haven't ever fully found it since. You made me feel less attractive than a six pack of beer.. breaking up with you was devastating.. you were the first man who had ever made the decision to break up with me. I always ALWAYS was the one to break things off.. but you beat me to it.
I wonder if you are still an alcoholic?
Dear Ari
Fucking liar. Our first date we went to see a Woody Allen film that had a few subtitled scenes.. and you whispered in my ear that you were dislexic.. Fucking LIAR. You put on a fake David Beckham-esque accent when we first met that strangely faded over a few weeks. FUCKING LIAR. You told me our birthday was the same, that you had been married to a Russian girl, that you kept missing our dates because of soccer practise..
In reality you weren't a paid soccer genius (although you were pretty amazing from the neck down).. you were a drug dealer with a speed habit.. fuckwit.
When I told you to fuck off out of my life.. you stood out the front of my house playing some Ricky Martin song on a portable stereo to try and win me back..
The way you used to watch your penis go soft after sex while posing in the mirror made me gag..
I truly only endured it because you were so hot - dumb but hot.
Dear Ahmed
My brief time with you was getting close to the worst of my life.
You were a cunt. I should have known you were bad news when you told me that Celine Dione songs helped you learn English. You were the reason I couldn't become an ESL teacher. Being alone in a classroom with Middle Eastern men terrified me and I couldn't finish my course.
I wish I could remember who I was before I met you. I hope you never did to another woman what you did to me.
Dear Rob
Another addict prick bastard. YOU were the end for me. YOU were a mindfuck. I actually class you as more evil than the prick who preceded you. I would be quite happy if you fell off some Indonesian mountain and impaled yourself on some spiky rock and your life bled out slowly and painfully..
Dear Sam
We had some strange attraction going on didn't we? You made moving to Melbourne so much easier for me. I really dug what we had going for a while.. It started to get a little weird at the end.. you know.. when after three years of bizarelly good foreplay we actually started having sex and it was really really really bad.. You were the first man I wrote about here - after the first time we had sex - remember? You said just at the end of our first weird impromptu sex.. "Now you have me worried about my long service leave.."
I tell you.. that was a moment..
Dear Monaro Man
When you invite a girl over you have been trying to impress.. please.. please.. wash your sheets.
Dear Doctor
I wish I still knew you. I have flashbacks of you.. your taste.. and the feel of you.. the first kiss in a dim lit room.. the statistics.. the inherent deliberate sadness around you.. The disjointed closeness.. Making love to Tuvan Throat Singing once and being disappointed to make love to Emmylou Harris the next time..
I. Miss. You. I miss it. I just miss IT.
Dear Fuse
You are a hard one to write to. (Because now I have started crying)
I am sorry. I am so sorry. I wasn't able to appreciate the goodness of you and share myself with you fully.
You disappointed me. I wanted you to be hard to tether. I wanted you to go and explore and build a life for yourself that didn't have me at the centre. Just to have you travel all this way to be with me wasn't enough (apparently) - and I feel like I punished you for it. I didn't want you to nest with me - I wanted you to have adventures without me - so that at the end of the day we could come together and share our adventure stories. I felt like I had all the adventures - and that you just waited for me to bring them to you.
Remember when you went away to Sydney and to the NT and I couldn't wait for you to come back?! I was so desperate to hear your adventures. Remember hauling half the bed out into the loungeroom and making love all day when you came back from Kakadu..? That's what I wanted to feel all the time..
I kept waiting for it to happen again. I was telling you the truth when I said I hadn't made up my mind about whether it could work for us or not.. until.. you made up my mind for me. A week before Christmas. I didn't ever recover that expectant on the brink maybe it's going to happen love for you.
I wish I had. Life would have been less lonely for us both if it had worked out. It just didn't.
I am so so so sorry.
It's a strange intimacy we have now. Blogging is sometimes too close.
But sometimes I cuddle the dog (when he tricks me into letting him on the bed).. I cuddle the dog on your side of the bed.. and once I even bopped his little bottom and smiled.
breathe out.. smile.. start again..
More songs to scream to..
These guys are old mates of mine.. I spent many a drunken eve at Pollyanna gigs all around Sydney.. and on the weekend I caught up with them again..
I love this first clip of them standing on their little rock podiums.. If you fancy a good aussie alternative rock band.. find them.. or Matt Handley (the lead singer dude - who has a solo album out).. I LOVE them..
This song is just gorgeous..
These guys are old mates of mine.. I spent many a drunken eve at Pollyanna gigs all around Sydney.. and on the weekend I caught up with them again..
I love this first clip of them standing on their little rock podiums.. If you fancy a good aussie alternative rock band.. find them.. or Matt Handley (the lead singer dude - who has a solo album out).. I LOVE them..
This song is just gorgeous..
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